Atlanta...

You Know You're From Atlanta When...

You give directions starting with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." You only know their way to work and their way home. You only drink Coke or Diet Coke - drinking Pepsi is blasphemy. You know to wear sneakers to the airport. The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday. You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are. You can Ponce De Leon Avenue correctly. The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow. If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere. Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour. You never go 55 on "The Watermelon 500 or the Georgia 400. You know you're not allergic to pollen, because if you were - you'd be dead already. You've never gone around the block and ended up on the street you started on. You know where 'Butthead' and 'F*ckhead' are, and it's the same part of town. ou haven't been downtown at night in years You've woken up at 4:30 am on workdays to beat the traffic to work, intending to leave work before 3 pm to compensate. You know at least five different ways to get to work, none of them ideal You know what "sunshine slowdown", "auto-flambe'", "topside" mean, and what color a H.E.R.O. is. You know where PIB, JCB, FIB, MLK, PDK and "Grady curve" are, and you try to never go there during any of the nine hours of rush "hour" You've thought about getting a blow-up companion for the front passenger seat You hope you are the one to spot the vehicle that is the subject of the latest "Amber Alert" which has been flashing for ten minutes on the DOT message board exactly 13.5 feet above the hood of your SUV You've been in traffic on 85, 75, 20 or 400 (choose one) - wondering if your fuel, your cell-phone battery and your bladder will make it to the next exit, just 1/2 mile ahead It's 4:30 pm Sunday, you're stone-cold sober and you've just finished the last left-over hot dog when you realize that in exactly 12 hours you have to get up and go to work - again You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Atlanta.

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